RestoBolivia: Dependencia

I am pretty sure I have a problem with the idea of dependence, especially when it slams into those areas where I think I should be competent.  Let’s be frank.  I have some serious pride issues.  Wouldn’t you know that our trip to Bolivia would put me smack dab in a place of God’s grace so that he might continue his good work of refining — just a bit more — this stubborn child of his?

As one who loves and works with kids (and one who barely gets outside of Arlington County), I knew a trip to Cochobamba to play with the kids of Ninos con Valor and to encourage the children’s ministry leaders of La Trinidad Anglican Church would be just my thing.  I knew that my few years of French wouldn’t exactly sub in for having taken no Spanish, but these were KIDS we were talking about!  I speak kid!  And teachers?  I’ve loved teachers forever and being with them and sharing ideas is what gets me really excited.  This was going to be a piece of cake!

Except that it wasn’t.  Always.

Prior to our trip, I began to get those butterflies, a sure sign to me that all is not well in my spirit.  I began to loosen my grip and reach out to friends to ask them to pray.  My anxiety decreased.  As we waited to board our flight at Dulles, I asked Eva-Elizabeth to create this for me, a reminder that I am God’s child and he most certainly speaks my language:

Throughout our trip, I found myself being less and less “sufficient” and more and more in need.  I needed help knowing where to go in airports.  I needed help translating handouts for the teacher training.  I needed help understanding what others were trying to tell me.  I needed help telling others how much I appreciated them.  I needed help with the Colombian “TSA” as they pulled me aside for a pre-board check of my person and my bags.

I needed.

And with every need, God provided.*

There are – I have learned – tremendous gifts in being dependent.  Doing so forces me to deny self, to give up control, to acknowledge my own weaknesses; and to learn to receive.  Even more, dependence allows me to see others’ strengths and to nestle in and see God at work through them.

As I hustle back in to my daily life in Arlington, may I continue to rest in his grace and proclaim ¡Señor! ¡Oh, cómo te necesito!

-Louise Brooks-

*Thanks, Equipo Bolivia for loving me well!