How am I doing with my part?
On Sunday I preached about sex and prayer. As I said in my caveats, I am sure that I said something that either offended you or made you raise a questioning eyebrow. That’s great. I love that we can be that candid and real about stuff that really matters. Hope you wrestle with your questions in your household, your marriage, or your small group.
I wanted to remind you of my question to those who are working on sex in marriage: How am I doing with my part? This is a question for you to answer for yourself and then to humbly share with your spouse. It is very different to answer, How am I doing? then to declare– this is how you are doing. Those are vastly different conversations.
As you think about the question, here are some categories to consider:
- How am I doing initiating sex? initiating prayer?
- How am I doing saying yes to sex? or yes to prayer?
- How am I doing being available? emotionally– do I ask what’s going on? do I listen to how my spouse is doing? Does my spouse feel free to be candid about how they feel?
- How am I doing being available? physically– am I home for dinner? Am I around on the weekends? Am I reserving time when my spouse and I have energy and we are at our best for the conversations that need to happen? Is my spouse always getting ‘what’s left’ of me?
- How am I doing with my encouragement? Am I critical? Am I seeking ways to build up with my words? Am I surprising my spouse with notes and thoughtful items that let them know they are not alone?
- How am I doing being faithful? Is there a friend who asks me this question on a regular basis? Is my consumption of media making me dissatisfied with my spouse? Am I fantasizing about someone else meeting my needs for companionship or sex?
- How am I doing in my relationship with Jesus? Do I have things that He is teaching me that I can share with my spouse? Am I thankful to Jesus in a way that helps me have joy with my spouse?
Here is that quote from Tim Keller again…
Sex is perhaps the most powerful God-created way to help you give your entire self to another human being. You are saying…’I belong completely, permanently, and exclusively to you.’
You must not use sex to say anything else.
For those of you who are working hard at sex in your marriage and for those of you who are working hard at abstinence outside of it, I applaud you. Let’s not grow weary in doing good. Let’s encourage one another. It is a great gift to bind us together.
I’ll leave you with this reminder from the book of Hebrews:
Since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.