A Great Year for Men at Restoration
2013-2014 marked the first year Restoration hosted a series of events specifically for the men in the congregation. The original stated purpose was to provide a venue where men could hear clear teaching on what it means to be a man in today’s culture and to provide a safe place to find and to develop meaningful and encouraging friendships with other men in the congregation.
To achieve that end, Restoration hosted ManUp, six sessions on the 2nd Tuesday of each month with each session focusing on a different characteristic of what it meant to be a Godly man. Topics included humbleness, courage, selflessness, purity, self-control, and decision-making. Throughout the season, the format adjusted slighted, but at each ManUp four things happened: 1) David Hanke spoke on the topic. 2) 4-5 Restoration men gave 3-5 minute testimonies on how the topic played out in their lives and then answered questions in a panel format. 3) Attendees broke in to smaller groups to discuss the topic. 4) Attendees were encouraged to find another man to MeetUp with to discuss the topic or other life issues before the next ManUp.
Finally, Restoration hosted its annual men’s retreat (ManTreat) at the Fitch’s property in Middleburg, Virginia in mid-May. The retreat lasted 24 hours – noon on Saturday to noon on Sunday – men camped out in tents, sat around a fire, ate steak and played outdoor lawn games. In years past, Restoration men provided testimonies and then broke in to small groups for discussions throughout the retreat. This year, small group time remained, but Restoration invited an outside speaker to ManTreat because a lot of men had already shared testimonies during ManUp.
Over 100 Resto men gave us some feedback on these events and here is a little report on what Resto Men said:
Key Findings:
- Resto men really like ManUp! They want more of them, not less.
- Most Resto men didn’t MeetUp after ManUp, but they seem to recognize the importance of mentoring. Need a better way to provide mentoring services.
- Men generally like the Middleburg camping option, but also wouldn’t mind a completely different set up. A significant minority (24% of respondents) don’t attend the men’s retreat because they don’t like camping. Going to a retreat center was just as popular an option (provided it costs less than $150/person).
- Attendance was lower at this year’s retreat because of scheduling conflicts.
Content:
- ManUp delivered on its goal of providing clear teaching on what it means to be a man.
- Men liked the content at ManUp and ManTreat.
- Men appreciate content tailored to specifically to them.
- Men want to know more about the Bible and how it speaks into all areas of their life, relationships, and vocation.
- Fatherhood, husbandry, vocation/calling, leadership, and budgeting/finance were the specific topics most mentioned for future sessions.
- Most Restoration men trust David/Restoration to provide the content and/or don’t have an opinion on what the topic/teaching is
| What topic seems most critical for our ManUp conversations in the coming year? | ||
| Answer Options |
Response Percent |
Response Count |
| Developing Biblical financial habits |
27.7% |
28 |
| Integrating Biblical knowledge and practical theology into my day to day life |
65.3% |
66 |
| Developing a theology of vocation |
32.7% |
33 |
| Learning to be a Biblical, servant leader in my vocation and in my relationships |
42.6% |
43 |
| Practical apologetics for sexual ethics (understanding and applying what the Bible says about healthy sexuality) |
18.8% |
19 |
| Dealing with hard questions and challenges to my faith in God— integration of science, sexual ethics, reconciling politics and a relationship with Jesus, hell and heaven and what’s next, what about people who have never heard about Jesus, etc. |
56.4% |
57 |
| Other (please specify) |
24 |
|
MeetUp and Mentoring:
- Most men didn’t MeetUp after ManUp.
- Some men thought the way MeetUps were encouraged (or forced) was awkward and ineffective.
- Men understand the importance of having a mentor.
| Answer Options |
Response Percent |
Response Count |
| I did not have a MeetUp. |
59.4% |
60 |
| I had at least one MeetUp. |
35.6% |
36 |
| I did 4 or more MeetUps and got to know 4 or more men at Restoration |
5.0% |
5 |
| The MeetUp idea was a positive experience. |
32.7% |
33 |
| The MeetUp idea was a negative experience. |
1.0% |
1 |
| I had multiple MeetUps with the same guy. We both got a lot out of it. |
4.0% |
4 |
In the comments, we learned:
- Men want ManUp to meet more often.
- Some men want food and drink at ManUp or want to have an established hang out spot afterwards.
- Men wanted more small group time and time to interact with others.
- Sometimes it was hard to hear the panelists.
- Men thought one or two of the sessions next year could be non-teaching nights – either a service outing or just general hang out time.
- Some men who were new to Restoration found ManUp difficult or awkward to connect.
- Ray and Endel are Restoration Superstars!
Selected comments:
“Instead of small groups during ManUp, encourage people to pair up with someone they don’t know to talk through the topic(s). Then encourage people to “meet up” with that person once before the next meeting. Being paired up will provide a comfortable foundation for broaching the subject of meeting up with that person before the next meeting. Additionally, this could enrich the discussion time during ManUp — allowing pairs of people to get vulnerable quickly as opposed to having to get comfortable with a new group of people before opening up.”
“I wonder if there could be more intentionality about the “MeetUps” and who gets paired with whom? May be more complicated than is worth it — but I know I did not follow through on scheduling my MeetUp, in part because it felt quite random! (Was grabbed by someone with whom I didn’t share much commonality). Maybe a simple web tool where guys shared a bit about themselves and made themselves available?”
“I didn’t care for the way we were encouraged to find a MeetUp partner. Many times I couldn’t remember who had stood up for a particular demographic/career so we could pair up. Maybe this is a just a lack of knowing all the men at restoration.”
ManTreat
- Most men generally like the men’s retreat as it is.
- Most men couldn’t come because of a scheduling conflict (NOTE: this was the first year the men’s retreat was in May, instead of last weekend of April).
- Most men thought having an outside speaker for ManTreat was a nice end to the ManUp season.
- 1/4 of Resto men (who responded to the survey question) don’t like camping.
- Most men want to spend $100 or less for the men’s retreat.
- Camping and a retreat center were the two most popular location options for a men’s retreat.
| What was your primary motivation to attend the men’s retreat (May 17-18, 2014)? | ||
| Answer Options |
Response Percent |
Response Count |
| I have attended ManTreat before and I love everything about it. |
51.9% |
14 |
| I wanted to meet more folks at Restoration. |
40.7% |
11 |
| I have really enjoyed ManUp and this was a chance for more of it. |
29.6% |
8 |
| I love to camp and this is a great venue. |
25.9% |
7 |
| Other (please add your own reason) |
5 |
|
| If you did not attend ManTreat 2014, could you tell us why not? | ||
| Answer Options |
Response Percent |
Response Count |
| I hate camping. (Please suggest a different venue in the comments) |
24.2% |
15 |
| I hate retreats. |
1.6% |
1 |
| I had a scheduling conflict. (Please suggest a preferred time in the comments) |
80.6% |
50 |
| I don’t know anybody at Restoration. |
1.6% |
1 |
| It was too expensive. |
0.0% |
0 |
| I have been to the ManTreat before and I really don’t like it. |
4.8% |
3 |
| Other (please specify) |
45 |
|
| What would you spend for a men’s retreat with a single night of lodging and 3 meals (lunch, dinner, breakfast) | ||
| Answer Options |
Response Percent |
Response Count |
| $50 (it’s going to be camping…) |
40.8% |
40 |
| $100 (might be a retreat center) |
41.8% |
41 |
| $150 (could be a cheaper hotel) |
33.7% |
33 |
| $200 (getting nicer…) |
19.4% |
19 |
| $250 or more… |
8.2% |
8 |
In the comments, we learned:
- Most men who don’t like camping explain they would just like to have a bed to sleep in at the end of the night and say weekend sleep is a treasured commodity in NOVA/DC.
- Men like having (organized) outdoor activities during the retreat and found them lacking this year.
- Some men would like to rethink the food options and how it’s delivered.
- Some men missed the hot breakfast.
- Some men would like some personal retreat time.
Comments:
I think the advantage of Middleburg is that there are no distractions. Give us some prayer topics and three or four 20- min periods for individual retreat time.
Organized games in the afternoon.
More structured games/activities would be fun.
An organized game/activity such as capture the flag or skeet shooting could be good. I’m an extrovert so I like mingling, but I imagine that would be harder on the introverts
Maybe some kind of team activity. Where we are in are discussion groups but we have to do something together for fun or for competition. Nothing hard or athletic, just to let us interact in a different environment
I liked the hot breakfast that we had in previous years — where did that disappear to?
Maybe try to coordinate the food a little better. I think we could do something a bit more exciting and fun (and possibly even at less cost) if we planned it out. Hot breakfast the next morning?
Do more of a potluck style for dinner for more variety of food. Have small groups meet on both days.
Better organization for cooking so meals can flow better/ have a cooked breakfast organize small groups ahead of time to provide diverse perspectives on the topic
foodtruck? skeet and trap shooting.
From David:
Thanks for a great year! We will be rolling out ManUp and the ManTreat starting in October. So look for details as we get in to our new building!!
Many thanks to all the men who gave us your feedback and many thanks to Scott Buckhout who pulled together this great report.
-David
June 5, 2014 @ 4:33 pm
Helpful comments — thanks, Scott, for compiling these.
June 7, 2014 @ 11:39 am
I am really looking forward to the “Burgers and Brothers” get-together at the home of Andrew Jones in Falls Church this coming Friday evening, June 20th, because I think that concept is a little closer to what most of us men really want–the opportunity to just kick back and relax, and have a fun, casual time getting to know some other men in someone’s home and backyard. Yes, and I will try to attend the other “Burgers and Brothers” events which you may have in mind for July and August, since that sounds like a great way to have fun with an underlying purpose of life-changing relationship.
Having had the opportunity to attend the majority of the “Man Up” sessions on Tuesday evenings at Little Falls, I applaud the idea and the effort that went into those sessions. And we can also fairly say that, since this past year we have been a guest congregation in someone else’s church, that situation presented us with some additional challenges to having an effective “Man Up” which hopefully will be mitigated once we get into our new building on North Quincy Street.
But although David’s pastoral messages and the selected personal testimonies of individual men were often quite heartfelt and compelling, the lack of a sufficient sound system to amplify their speech was a big problem for those of us with significant hearing loss–and it sounds like that was to some degree a problem for all of us, especially if we were seated toward the back of the sanctuary where we were too far away to read a speaker’s lips.
And the “MeetUp after the ManUp” idea is certainly well-intentioned, but I was one of the ones who never did “Meet Up” with another man afterwards, partly because of my long office hours and a 2-hour commute each way during the week, but also because the idea just felt a bit “stagey” and contrived–the goal we have in mind is laudable, but I think that the method that we’ve been using in these events to achieve that goal runs counter to the way that most men actually meet and form friendships.
What if we were to consider this option instead: how about a “TalkUp After The ManUp”?
After the formal part of our “ManUp” evening with its pastoral message and testimonies, suggest that each of us try to group up with anywhere from two to four other men, so that we all end up in groups of about 3 to 5 men each–and then pose the question: “IF…we men talking here in our small group tonight were to actually commit to meeting together at least once a week for the next 8 to 10 weeks, THEN…what are some of the practical ways that we could encourage each other to put into practice the things we’ve heard about tonight?”
Then give us about 20 minutes or so to discuss that question among ourselves.
At the end of that time, ask for a little bit of feedback on how our conversations went, then encourage us to get together with at least one other man that we
talked to in our small group tonight–or, if possible, to arrange for some casual, low-cost or no-cost social opportunity, OR for some kind of lay-volunteer service opportunity that our small men’s group could pursue together (because men are task-oriented, and their friendships grow best when they’re working together on some worthwhile project from which they can see tangible results).
As an example, I myself am a longtime partner in a local network of nursing-home worship-service volunteers, and we can always use mature, motivated men and women who just have a servant’s heart for ministering to some of our older residents, who will deeply appreciate the time and attention of a busy career and family man who carved out about one hour of their time on a Sunday afternoon once a month, so that they could have a godly, caring man sitting beside them and giving them some much-needed social contact in the context of worshipping God together.
And there are a million other possibilities in things like AFAC, Casa Chirilagua, Courtney’s House, or even just lending a helping hand with somebody’s home improvement project in their own residence.
I know this is a lengthy comment, so please forgive me for that, but hopefully this is the kind of feedback you were looking for–thank you for the “ManUp” concept–let’s keep developing it, especially once we kick off the upcoming school-year schedule in our new building in September! — Weber Ivy
June 7, 2014 @ 8:07 pm
thanks so much for your thoughts, Weber. Those are great ideas. I too am looking forward to seeing how the coming year works out.
The leadership team has an idea to be more intentional in our ‘mentor pairing’. Instead of just suggesting and creating space for a ‘meet-up’, we will compile 2 lists– those who are willing to be a mentor and those who desire to be mentored. We will then try and make matches based on affinity, vocation, relational demographic etc. It too will be an imperfect system, but we will keep trying. I am reminded every day how critical it is for every man to have other men in their life who have a platform and opportunity to speak truth in love.